This is what Jeff Nischwitz sent out in his newsletter a few days ago and I got to thinking about it out on our deck this morning. I think this is a good point to remember. So here is what he said;
“Most people do not tell you the truth. They tell you the truth they believe you want to hear or the truth they think you can handle. More important, they tell you the truth as much as they are willing to risk the relationship. Telling the truth always involves a risk. The best way to create more open and honest relationships where you can hear the truth is by first being willing to share your truth with others. There is no universal truth, but your willingness to trust the relationship with the truth will deepen and sharpen your relationships.” Jeff Nischwitz
Hmm and if the truth causes hurt?
Always the million dollar question and certainly worthy of consideration. I think it is a fine balance. The ultimate goal for me would be joy, and that is sometimes hard to promote if you do not know what is going on. I think a lot of hurt comes from our judgment of others, and I do not include that in my truth bucket. First of all we should not be focused on judging others to begin with. I am more focused on internal truths that we may be fearful to share. These internal truths I do not see as causing hurt but providing an opportunity, if shared.
I would be violating my values if I shared my judgments’ of how someone looks or acts. Over the years, I have learned that I am usually wrong anyway. I would also be preventing an opportunity to find joy if I refused to share my internal fears. Over the years, I have learned that most of my fears are not well founded. So I think what Jeff is saying is that we need to foster trust if we want to find joy. The most hurt would be caused by someone that laughed at our fear or someone that ignored our fear. That is a risk we accept by sharing. The reward would be increasing our joy and a stronger relationship. If the trust is there, you will take the risk.
Well that is my thoughts this morning. Time for another cup of coffee. You can find Jeff’s blog at http://www.nischwitzgroup.com/blog/